Sunday, April 24, 2016

Beer Descriptions

Last night, we hosted a party for Birdie's school. It was called "Saints and Suds" and the theme was craft beer. Home brewers, like Husband, gathered what they had brewed for general consumption. 

There was much consumption. 

Everyone was asked to give a brief description of what the different beers being provided tasted like-- think wine palette, but for beer. Replace "oaky" chardonnay with "malty" beer and you're getting the picture. 

As Husband was driving on Friday and I was in the passenger seat, he put me in charge. 

Y'all, he put me in charge of describing beer. 
On a Friday. 
In traffic. 
On an interstate. 
With the kids in the backseat screaming and some Barbie cartoon with the volume at an obnoxious level. 

I was punchy.

The list was as follows: 

Pumpkin Pie Ale: Fall called— they want their beer back. Clean and sweetly malty with just enough hop bitterness to balance. Grandma shared her secret special blend of pumpkin pie spices to finish off with nutmeg, cinnamon, and ginger that persist like a five year old kid wanting to go to Build-A-Bear. 5.8%

Cream Ale: Picture it: you’re wearing white socks to your knees and plaid shorts. It’s Saturday afternoon and the lawn beckons. Is the lawn beckoning or are the children screaming? Is there a difference? Medium - light bodied, smooth and curvy like Adele, gold in color (again, like Adele) and low in bitterness (maybe not like Adele), this Cream Ale “will set fire to the rain” and won’t disappoint. 5.1%

Brown Ale: Fruitcake doesn’t know dense. This is dense. Layers of malt, caramel, baking chocolate, and a hint of light-roast coffee give way to reveal a hop character that might just surprise more than Cousin Eddie in the drive-way. 6.1%

Belgian Triple: A guaranteed UBER ride home. Seriously. Find Dr. Cagle and deposit your keys to receive the almost promised headache. A palate of tropical fruit flavors and aromas reminiscent to a WSP concert, this triple is a nightmare dressed like a daydream. Wait, was Taylor Swift just quoted? 8.8%

American Pale Ale (APA): Typical representation of the West Coast IPA accentuated by a bombardment of surfers, rainbow flags, and hippies. This beer has a citrus overtone with hints of grapefruit. Well balanced with a malt backbone. It’ll cure what ails you. 6.4%

Double IPA: It is more flavorful than a Bollywood video and is the hoppiest of all the beers. What do hops taste like? Who cares… it has almost 10% alcohol. Leave your liver and your keys at the door before dipping into this one. Stop sipping when you start seeing double, or start dancing Bollywood style. 9.8%

Kolsch: This is what we like to call, “Making Wife Happy.” Conceived from love, unlike our children- who were conceived from rum, this Kolsch blurs the line between lagers and ales. Light, refreshing, and in every way what you will want if you… can’t get what you want. 5.1%

Like I said, I was punchy.

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