People come to this place on the world wide web to read about us-- about me. I don't take that lightly. Nor do I forget that; after a few days of posting- I am already starting to think about what I am going to write about next. It's fun. It is something that I genuinely enjoy doing.
It's one of those things that makes me who I am.
And I have been neglecting it of recent. It's not that I am choosing to purposefully neglect this place on the world wide web, but it is something that easily gets pushed to the back of the closet. And then things get piled on top of it. Other things are more pressing, more whiny, or more dependent on me to fully exist.
Like children. They need their mother.
Like a husband. He needs his wife.
Forget that the dishes need doing, the errands need running, and the laundry needs folding (and washing and drying and sorting and ... does laundry seem to need more attention than a baby?)
It's been tough to a Cagle at 803 these past few weeks. Bennie has said every morning, "I no want to go to school." Birdie has been exceptionally diligent at losing things, hiding things, and finding the exact thing to get her sister in trouble. Fuzzy has been crying- a lot. Like, a whole lot. Like so much I have trouble thinking some times. When he ceases, Bennie picks up where he left off.
Bennie thinks that potty training is some funny joke. Nothing that I find that entertaining.
Husband has found work to be stressful. Imagine that- he spends more than half of his time there, supporting us-- here.
The freezer grew barren and needed to be restocked with casseroles, soups, and food for week night dinners. Fuzzy depleted his baby food stash and I have worked to replenish those little clear containers that I fill with food that I cook. Don't get me wrong-- baby food tastes bad. Awful. I dread feeding it to him, because I am going to have to taste it to make sure it is not too hot. GAG. I make my own- not because I am wholly organic and green.... rather I am cheap. Cheap cheap. Like a little birdie who calls to her mother "Cheap! Cheap! Cheap!"
Food needs cooking. Babies need snuggles. Lunches don't make themselves.
And Birdie cannot drive herself to horseback riding... or ballet... or piano...
And the piano needs to be practiced. How has another week gone by without asking Birdie to sit down for 90 seconds to play her song at least once?
My parents went to Italy a few weeks ago-- they were so excited to pack up and go. Brother and I were placing bets on when they would cancel their trip. They didn't! They went! They had fun! Brother and I got an opportunity to be parents without nets. No one to fall back on when someone had to work or we needed to be in two places at once. Parenting without a net-- it was fun to remember how to do it-- and even better to get the net back, complete with gifts from over the big water.
Fuzzy and Bennie spend a lot of time in their carseat, loading up with me as we fetch and step around Hometown. When I feel guilty about this, more often than not, I stop at a park and pull them out for about 20 minutes. A quick respite helps them reset.
Helps me reset.
I've tried to start jogging- but, like this place on the world wide web-- I have neglected it; put it in the back of the closet and let stuff pile on top of it. Things that were louder, and deemed more important took precedence over the little things that make up the "me" in me.
Starting new hobbies and writing about them- setting aside those new hobbies for other new things and writing about those, too: that's part of the "me."
I took an assessment over the past few weeks to figure out where our wheels are falling off- and the only difference is this.
I need to make this a priority. This gives me my voice back. It makes me thoughts clear. And it helps me find the funny in the crazy. The enjoyment in the mundane. The love in the life.
Every now and again, things have to hit the back of the closet, so they can be found again ... dusted off... and seen for what they are or what they could be: something wonderful. Even if it is just to me, these things are what make me .... me.
Maybe I should find my running shoes and hit the trail?
Tomorrow. It is raining today.