Monday, June 23, 2014

PSA, Part II

My last post was a PSA. My next post was going to be all about making homemade strawberry milk as we went strawberry picking last Friday.

But making strawberry milk- while entertaining to a five year old- is not nearly as entertaining to a 33 year old. Nor would it have been as entertaining to you- my faithful reader. The pictures, while beautiful, would be a blip on your entertainment radar.

LMC and I thought that we should make jam with our 300 pounds of fresh strawberries that we had withering away in our fridge. This makes sense to me- it's 95 degrees outside, we have 180 square feet of window in our kitchen, which makes it a balmy 79 in the house. Clearly, clearly I need to be standing over a vat of boiling water and a separate vat of boiling strawberries. 

Clearly- this is a good idea.

With a five year old. 

300 pounds of strawberries hulled, 300 pounds of strawberries individually counted into the food processor by said five year old and 300 pounds of strawberries measured and poured into the stock pot for cooking. 

Some tips, for those of you that are thinking that this will be a good thing to add to your calendar this week:

- don't.

Okay, seriously. Some tips:

- Pay attention. It doesn't matter how carefully you are holding the tongs to get the glass jar out of the boiling water. When you mistakenly pour out the boiling water over your hand- it'll hurt. You'll swear. And that precious five year old will say, "Mommy, why you say [blank]? [Blank] sounds like a word Daddy doesn't want me to say. Is that right, Mommy? Mommy, why are your eyes closed?" {because I am seeing stars and thinking those lovely words instead of saying them. Mental note- remind her that Daddy does not like that word and we will both get in trouble if she says it. No one wants to get in trouble with Daddy.}

- That burn will leave a mark.

- Five year olds are not reliable measurers - this is a fact. They can count to 117 while you are converting teaspoons of pectin to tablespoons, but they are not big fans of actually measuring what they pour into those strawberries.

- Boiling strawberries are quite viscous. Why is this important? Don't put your face over that pot of boiling strawberries to smell the heavenly aroma. When the bubble of boil hits the surface- it'll pop right in your face and it will hurt. Bad.

- It, too, will leave a mark.

- Have you ever wondered what should be done when the last jar is more empty than full? Google procured no answers as to if I should submerge this potentially lethal bomb into the large vat of boiling water. I thought to myself, "Well- if it explodes, it'll make a great blog," as I gingerly lower the last one in with my eyes closed and nine fingers ready to be burned. Contrary to my fear, it won't explode- because it won't submerge. It'll float. Duh. Score one for the kid who went to college at 16. 

- That five year old will, thankfully, bail out when it comes time to start working with the boiling water. She'll start playing with your wedding rings and drop them down the air conditioning vents- not just one vent, four. Because I have four rings.

Okay, I am kidding about the air conditioning vents- only because I caught her out of the corner of my eye.

But, I will definitely be making this again next year- I just won't go out and pick 300 pounds of strawberries. Unless I forget-- which is very possible. 

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