Friday, June 21, 2013

The Saga of the Rug

This rug, seriously. It's beautiful. And it has seen a lot of action in the last 24 hours. Hence forth, I shall refer to it as the $10,000 rug. Why? For the following reasons:

(1) It's beautiful
(2) It's massive-- like too big to have fit in our old apartment kind of massive. A grand piano used to sit on it and there was still plenty of room to play.
(3) I have no idea how much rugs cost
(4) I do know, however, that I cannot afford one
(4a) Especially one of this quality, size, and luxury

So, me and the $10,000 rug went cruisin' in the 'rents golf cart yesterday, spilling moldy old water as we were showered with fresh rain water, all the way down Main Street.

Me :  Rockstar

A few flips of the rope after backing into the garage and her beauty is once again unfurled, no longer amongst antiques... rather dad's old tools, old skis, an ancient refrigerator and window covers that he uses to "hide" said old tools and old skis.

The Rug :   In shock.

Dad has a good point after the rain subsides and the concrete dries-- let's get this sucker in the sun and get it to drying. The concrete will help wick away the moldy old water. Too heavy to pick up still, Dad sits on the back of the golf cart and we slowly pull it out, knocking over the milk crates I was using to keep it off the ground. The skis return to being the prettiest thing in the garage.

Dad :   Brilliant.

Every few hours, we would walk out to the $10,000 rug and shift it from right-side-up to wrong-side-up, before rotating left to right. It was like basting a turkey. Parts of it smelled like my aunt's mother-in-law, and parts... well, it didn't smell like her. At least not that I remember.

Husband came home at the end of the day and rotated the $10,000 rug once more. It was decided that the evening dew would not bode well for the drying, so Husband in his suit and I in my heels grab the corners and are finally able to move it without a gas-powered golf cart. We fold up the $10,000 rug and schlep into the garage for a second evening. The skis shed a tear. Husband and I discuss how we are going to clean the $10,000 rug and, more importantly, how are we going to afford cleaning the $10,000 rug.

A google search provided no results.

Did I mention that rugs are expensive? So's home ownership and indoor pools.

Mom offers to front us the money to get it cleaned. We're too proud to accept. Allow me to bite my nose to spite my face, please.

Here's where my aunt is going to die when she sees this. (as if the flood, the golf cart pull, the trip down Main Street, and the garage setting were going to keep her alive.)

Dad has a professional rug cleaner. Why? I have no idea. Why does he have old skis? These questions cannot be answered. Sometimes, it is best to just be thankful for the gadgets he likes to have around the house and be useful at a moment's notice.

Only problem... it's broken. Shocking, I know.

I shuck my shoes and grab a push broom, pressure washer, rug cleaner and a cooler. Picture if you will, me and the $10,000 rug back in the driveway, cars parked all around it so as not to drive over it. We're classy like that.

In the cooler, I mix the rug cleaner with hot water and unplug the bottom spout, pulling it behind me back and forth to let the soap get in the beautiful wool pile. A quick pressure wash of the push broom and an incredibly quick pressure wash of the $10,000 rug and I am using the push broom to, literally, push the water out and off the rug. Three turns pushing the water off one way leads to three turns pushing it off another, before finally pushing the water off the last way.

Next, that broken rug cleaner could finally be of some use. It has a squidgey at the end of it to enhance the "rapid drying time." Up and down, up and down with my sunglasses on my eyes and my sweet tea in my styrofoam cup, barefoot, with my parents neighbors driving by.

No one gives me a second look. And really, why should they? It's not like they have not seen anything like this before.

This rug is going to be awesome. 


Anonymous said...

O. M. G. what a mess! I hope your DYI rug cleaning is successful. . .
(ours was not, so we ended up taking it to a pro) I'd still worry about latent mold and odors. Seriously, it'd be worth the $ investment to get that beautiful thing cleaned professionally. Professionals could get it totally DRY, too. You sure don't want to put a rug that is even the tiniest bit damp down on those beautiful new floors. Just sayin' --nb

Jackelyn Lippard said...

There comes a point where cleaning rugs would have to be left to professionals. Either cleaning it yourself doesn't seem enough, or worse, you'd end up making it fade or worn. Surely this $10,000 rug of yours deserves some prime cleaning.
Jackelyn Lippard @