Tuesday, June 11, 2013

One Day More

I have yet to pack my bag. Looking around the house, there are few inklings that it will be vacant in a matter of mere days. Husband knows me all too well and knows that an empty house is only welcoming before we move in. Afterwards, it is full of the empty and make me overwhelmingly sad. When we moved from our old apartment to this apartment, as the things became more and more sparse there, I went in less and less to clean and move things out. Husband picked up my slack and did those last things that I simply could not.

I am happy. But I am also sad. It has not quite hit home yet. I know it will tomorrow at the airport. If you see a girl crying with a baby at Reagan, stop and say hi. Ask me what the greatest thing I experienced was in the past three years.

I'd have to think for a few minutes, but truly- learning to drive around town without a GPS is one of my greatest accomplishments. Laugh if you must, but try it sometime. Not just a new town- this new town- where there are four 4th Streets and four New York Avenues. Odd streets run one-way and even streets run the other... but only for a few blocks. In the next quadrant, they change.

I saw love.

I saw the love between Brother and SIL when he got sick. A kind of love that is humbling and awe inspiring. I saw the love between both a mother and a son and a father and a son. Even when children grow up, they will always be yours.

I saw history.

All kinds, all places, and all changes. Walking through buildings as if they were the neighborhoods, because they are the neighborhood. It's hard not to pause for a moment and think who else walked these hallowed halls and how long these halls have stretched before towering men.

I saw strength.

Strength in my husband to carry weights and knowledge. Strength to maintain a calm demeanor and enforce a calm demeanor on me, with my panic only being behind the closed doors of our private life. The strength of my father for my mother. The strength of my friends.

I saw age.

It's funny to look back three years ago, I don't feel older. I don't look that much older. But my daughter does. She has aged immensely. Going from age 1 to age 4 is not just a stretch, it's a leap without a net. Our youngest has put on eight pounds. Not bad for a peanut.

If I could go back and do it again, I would in a second.
If I could change one thing, I would ask for one day more.
If I could love a place anymore than this, it would be impossible.

One more sleep here and than the next adventure starts. I can't look back, because time marches forward- which is good. We are marching towards babies becoming toddlers, toddlers becoming children, children becoming teenagers, brother gaining health and strength, Husband gaining experience, Wife gaining old friends and new friends, and our little family gaining time together- something that we have never had since our inception when we were married on that beautiful Saturday evening back in March, six years ago.

It will be good. And I look forward to the forward marching.


Wanting What I Have said...

You make me teary. Love you. Praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Happy trails home, Rachel. And welcome.