I balked on going to the gym.
Tinkerbell has a black eye. No, she did not do anything wrong. Rather, we made the discovery that "Hey, Mom! Watch this!" is along the same lines of "Here- hold my beer." Nothing good will come of either statement. Considering that last week she had a busted lip/fat lip, I feel compelled to say that her summer is off to a banger start.
The cowgirl has learned the valuable lesson that being cute can, and will, save your life. Just when I was ready to string her up for whatever reason, she rounded the corner from the back of the house with a pink cowgirl hat on her head. I taught her how to say YEE HAW! She jumped into a starfish position and screamed, "YEEHAW!"
Before the warehouse club, we stopped at the bank to
"PLEASE! MAY I PLEASE HAVE A BLUE CREAM SODA?" I think my children think that the only flavor of lollipops is cream soda.
The cowgirl screamed WOLLIPOP! WALL-E-POP! WOLLIPOP! WALL-E-POP! WOLLIPOP! WALL-E-POP!
Tinkerbell screamed PLEASE? MAY I PLEASE HAVE A BLUE CREAM SODA? PRETTY PLEASE WITH LOLLIPOPS ON TOP?
The sand crab just screamed.
I am always fascinated by what people buy at the warehouse clubs. So often, I look in their buggies and want to tap on them on the shoulder and say, "Excuse me. Sorry to bother you, but I am just curious. Which of these items are impulse buys?"
When I was getting out of the car today, there was a man unloading his cart next to me and he had at least 86 cartons of cigarettes... and a karaoke machine. My money is on the one carton of Virginia Slims 100s. That was the impulse.
I saw one of the waiters at the Mexican restaurant. He had 17 gallons of milk, lots of Styrofoam containers, and six big cans of corn.... and a deluxe car cleaning kit.
There was a woman who asked the pharmacist where the condoms were. I did not want to ask what her line of business was.
The woman in line behind me had 12 rotisserie chickens. Twelve. What did she need twelve chickens for? Then I saw that she had six children with her. Oh. Maybe that sixth kid was the impulse. I can relate.
A man had at least two dozen thirty packs of beer. Was he hosting a party? Does he have a really big habit? Was he business partners with the woman talking to the pharmacist? Where was his karaoke machine? I am more likely to sing karaoke after six beers and not six cigarettes. Unless one of those was a Virginia Slim 100. Then all bets are off.
Another woman had several crates of fruit and vegetables, cans of Ro-Tel and four teenage children walking with her, all of which were on their cell phones. She stopped in front of a $189 bouncy house. I paused. Was she going to buy it? I asked Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell said, "Mama, if she doesn't- we should. That would be awesome."
An old lady stood in front of a 25 pound tube of hamburger meat. In her buggy was milk, 36 eggs, and an old purse. She picked the 25 pound tube of hamburger meat and walked away. I really wanted to stop her and say, "Excuse me- do you need 25 pounds of hamburger meat? Is the price that good? I have a friend who has 5 kids under the age of 12 and she does not buy 25 pounds of hamburger meat."
|Her response? "Fuzzy looks scared."|
Then there was the woman with three children, two of which in costumes, and no room in her buggy for food- yet, six milk products waiting to be purchased (yogurt, milk, cheese, smoothies, chocolate milk, and cheez-its). Her impulse buy? She foolishly stopped to ask the DirectTV salesman a question............ twenty minutes later, he is still in the middle of his sales pitch with three screaming children in a perfect crescendo. What was she thinking?! There is something to be said for the sales pitch to have a certain level of brevity. That would have sold me, I mean... her.
I will say that I stopped in front of the unsliced turkey- the same turkey that grocery stores sell at the deli. It was $2.48/pound. Granted, I would have to spend $25.53 to get the whole thing- and I would need a meat slicer, but $2.48/pound is a pretty good price for turkey these days. I start to get sucked into this deli turkey. I could slice it in one pound sections and freeze it. This could work and save some money... I text a friend:
After the bank, the warehouse store, and spending $164.76 on exactly half of what was on my list- I throw in the towel. Knowing that I needed diapers for Fuzzy, I looked at the kids, the groceries, and my abilities.
I have a smart phone. I am smarter then this.
"Thank you for calling Buy Buy Baby. How may I direct your call?"
"I need to talk to someone that can ring up something for me."
"That would be Joe. Just a moment."
Joe went to the back of the store, grabbed the diapers I needed and rang me up as I was driving to the store. I pulled up to the front, opened my car door and out walked Joe- my knight in blue polo shirt- with my bag of diapers and a receipt.
VICTORY! I shan't be defeated this day!