And often I have learned, if you want to make God laugh- make a plan. And often I have said, I make God laugh a lot.
We made a commitment to ourselves and made a plan for LMC. We made a plan to bring her into this world.
Years later, we made a plan . We talked, thought, prayed, and planned. Like clockwork, our plan came to be. Bennie.
And we made another plan. Two children meant "man-on-man" defense. Two children is almost the national average. We would be a perfectly average family. Pregnancy is hard on any body- especially mine. Rolling into the operating room that early December morning, I remember the thought tumbling through my head before the fear set in, "This will be the last time I do this. I will no longer have to be afraid of a c-section after today." It helped push the fear away.
A tug, a pull, and then Bennie cried her first cries.
I looked at Husband and, without thinking, said, "I could do this again."
Over the last 18 months, our family has gone through changes- both good and bad, but I never realized that it never felt complete. It is starting to slowly evolve into that completion we all crave for.
Husband has always said, "If you aren't preventing- you're trying."
We stopped making plans. We threw caution to the wind. We were Catholic about it. There were no apps, no schedules, no plans. Just God's plan and his love for our love.
I went to bed the night before last unusually early. Over the past week, I have been crazy-tired. In hindsight, this should have been the least of all flags. The nose bleed. The heartburn. The lack of wanting wine at night. All those little things the body does to let you know before it let's you know did not even cross my mind when it came to being pregnant.
I chalked the tired up to the summer heat.
I chalked the heartburn up to a heavy dinner.
I chalked the nose bleed up to... life.
I chalked the lack of wanting wine to maturity.
I chalked nothing up to pregnancy.
If you want to make God laugh- make a plan.
If you aren't preventing- you're trying.
Yesterday morning, I shot straight up in bed- the pieces finally falling into place. A test.
I laughed and was excited about the change we were about to embark on together. As it was a little after 6 in the morning and Husband was on call, I send him a text:
I figured he might need a minute, hence the text. Ten seconds later- my phone rings. We laughed. We are excited. Life changes. Change is good.
After emailing my doctor, and admitting that I have not been paying much attention to cycles and dates- she schedules an ultrasound. Fortunately, they had a cancellation yesterday- otherwise it would have been about two weeks.
Not only am I pregnant- I am eight weeks pregnant. I have almost completed my first trimester. We saw the little raspberry's heart, beating strong. We saw the little fins. LMC saw the tail and asked if it was a puppy.
Since we have had LMC, the common question we get has always been, "Oh, so you're going to try for a boy next?"
No. We're going to try to complete our family. Whatever God gives us will be a blessing. Happy and healthy- that's what we want.
After Bennie, the question became, "Two girls- you didn't get the boy? So- you're going to try again?"
No. We'll see what the Big Plan is. Ten fingers, ten toes- happy and healthy. That's all we want.
If we have a son- if we have a daughter- we do not care. We want this baby to be nothing but ours to have, to hold, to raise and to love.
And to not be a puppy.