Here I am.
Sorry about that, but a lot has happened.
Miss Lucile passed away last week. Husband's grandmother. One of those sweet ladies who defined what it meant to be a belle. I wrote a blog about her. And erased it.
I wrote another one.
And erased it.
I wrote one in my head as I tried to fall asleep in the bed of Husband's youth... and then fell blissfully asleep; my cultivated words dissolving around me.
Sometimes, the blogs come to me. A sentence pops into my head and the words take shape. Other times, well, let's just say that writer's block is real and it's a real pain. I did not feel right sharing my memories, my moments with Miss Lucile as if she were mine or as if I were one of her seven grandchildren. She was only a part of my life for just a blip- five quick years.
I loved her during those five years. And I love her for raising my FIL and being influential on Husband's life. And I appreciated her.
The world is a better place because of her. I would hold her hand, lay my head in her lap while she sat in a chair on the farm, call her for recipes, and generally wanted to let her know how I felt without words as my grandmothers have been gone for a number of years. She would pat my shoulder, tell me she missed me, and made me feel like I was one of her seven.
So, this is not my ode to Miss Lucile. This is just my moment, capturing that lovely woman who met up with her husband in an ancient pink chiffon dress that she insisted on wearing for her burial. What memory she must have cherished of Mr. Edward that carried her through these past three decades in that dress. Perhaps he said she was as beautiful as the day he met her? Perchance he said pink was her color? Maybe it was something so much smaller? But, it makes me wonder. And it really makes me smile.
This final step in her life gave me a difficult opportunity to explain to LMC about Heaven, death, and God. Taking a page from Dottie, I opted not to run from the subject, rather to embrace it as a part of life. Grandma Peep Peep (as LMC called her) is in Heaven with God and her husband. She is in the land of milk and honey. (where milk and honey came from out of this little brain to explain to a 3 year old about Heaven, I have no idea.)
While I am not indulging myself for one moment that she fully wrapped her head around the concept of death, I was careful not to say that she went to sleep. I told her that we were going to Moultrie to celebrate Grandma Peep Peep's life and send her off to see her mother, father, and family who miss her. LMC said, "YEAH! And she's drinking all da me-alk she wants! Me-alk, please, Mama?"
LMC did get confused about where Grandma Peep Peep was when we went to her house before the visitation. "Mama? Where Grandma Peep Peep? Peep Peep? Hey-loooo?" I reminded her, "Sweet Potato, do you remember what I said? Grandma Peep Peep lived a long and wonderful life. She's in Heaven now, with her husband and her mom and dad. She's not feeble. She's not lonely and she's very happy. Grandma Peep Peep is with Big Dad and Lady. ["Big Dad have suckers for her?" LMC interjected. "Of course," I responded.] She's looking down on us right now and you know what? She loves you- she always loved you and she always will love you."
"Oh. Okay. Grandma Peep Peep drinking Me-Alk?"
"Yes m'am, she is."
"COOL! Love you, Grandma Peep Peep!" She calls out to no one before going off and playing again. Maybe she was calling out to someone that I could not see.
Maybe I scarred her for life, maybe I did something right-- but isn't that what parenting is all about? God, I hope so.