* They only take cash.
* There is only one refill allowed for tea.
* If you don't know what you want by the time you get to the front of the line- you better make something up, because they will send you to the back.
* Be prepared to spend a small fortune. Last week, the group of four in front of me spent $83. Yes, on breakfast. With no free refills on those canned Diet Cokes.
* Don't ask for the gluten free menu- they are working on a GF crab cake (and have been for the past 64 years).
* After ordering, don't dawdle and start chatting. When your number is called- it is called- and you best be there, or it goes away.
* More importantly, do not try and go on Saturday. The blueberry pancakes are good, but the line is out the door... and they still only take cash. Try it with a two year old- I dare ya.
That being said, once the rules have been established, the Market is beyond awesome. The babies love it. The girls love it. The ladies behind the counter are full of sass and just delightful, if you know what you are doing.
You throw that sass right back at 'em. Hard.
Sassy Lady behind the counter: "Listen, girl. You've already had your refill of tea. You can't have anymore."
Sassy Me: "It's totally fine to give me a refill. Thanks, Ol' Gal."
The Score: SM: +1 SL: +433
SLBtC: "Girl, do you know what you want or don't ya?"
SM: "I'm looking."
SLBtC: "Well, move it to the back until you know."
SM: "Listen up, Ol' Gal- I'll find your boss and tell him all about you and your sass." (with a wagging finger)
"SLBtC: "Oh, go on. He's right over there."
SM: "DOH! Guess I better hurry up, hugh?"
SLBtC: "Guess you better be moving to the back of the line."
The Score: SM: -1 SL: +434
SLBtC: "Girl, do you know what you want?"
SM: "YES. YES, I do. Thankyouverymuch"
SM: "OK, I want..."
SLBtC (to the girl next to her): "Here she goes again, ready for this?"
SM" "HEY! As I was saying, I want a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich- but would you please use my bread? It's gluten free."
SM: "Seriously." (deadpan. Show. No. Fear.)
SLBtC: "Tell ya what- you make the sandwich yourself."
[wait a second, I'm about to spend $12 on breakfast AND give you my own bread... AND I HAVE TO MAKE IT MYSELF? Sassy Me was about to turn to Bitchy Me.]
SLBtC: "That'll be $3.75"
SM: "Sweet! Thanks Ol' Gal!"
(apparently one egg with a side of bacon is cheaper than a sandwich!)
The Score: SM: +1 SL: +434
SM: "Hey Ol' Gal."
SLBtC: "Seriously? What do you want? You've already maxed out on tea."
SM (quite huffily): "I have not. I've only had one! But, how 'bout a free pancake for my daughter?"
SLBtC: "That little thing over there?"
"SLBtC: [a pause.........] Sure, why not?
SLBtC: "Girl, you want me to change my mind?"
SM: NO! You go, Ol' Gal! Thanks!"
[A high five]
SLBtC: "Go on, get outta here, we'll bring it to you." (Please note that I didn't have to wait at the next window. The Mickey Mouse pancake was hand delivered.)
The Score: SM: +433 SL: +434
A scoop of sass and double secret parking? Yes, please.