She is two. She is definitely two. She is so two, she might as well be four divided by two.
But, she is two. At a point in her life where she cannot be reasoned with, nor can she tell a lie. Fits are fits and they are handled with and we move on. Tempers are tempers and I am working feverishly to help her develop tools to manage it. Life lessons are put into small things. When she falls, she always hears, "What's the most important part about falling? Getting back up. Good job." No matter the fall.
It's been a rough go at the last few days, the power outage has really screwed up our hand-to-mouth system. There is money in savings (we did sell a house, after all), but if we touch it now, it will not be there in two years when it is time to buy again. So, it is a careful balance of taking and replacing, but the power outage has us taking more and replacing less.
Prescriptions need to be refilled and replaced. Milk needs to be purchased. The renters policy is renewed. The car insurance premium is posted. Eileen needs more diapers. Husband is on call at a hospital that does not provide food to the employees; sandwiches & other goodies prepared with four hands only go so far- he has to eat on the fly when on call (and as we all know, he's on call a lot). We paid out on our taxes (ouch) and waiting on a refund from DC. Waiting on a claim for the electric company. Waiting on commission checks for me and paychecks for Husband.
And she is two. At some point in my former life, at this moment at my desk, I would have felt like the ocean of life was swallowing me whole. Today though, I realized that I have both grown and changed. For the much better (Self, pat yourself on the back).
We went to Target to buy diapers, etc. $75
We went to Costco to buy medicine, food, milk, etc. $200
We went to Harris Teeter to pick up Rx: $75
While there, we picked up the rest of the groceries: $65
$400. Hah. Hah. Hah.
We arrive home and E is looking at me saying, " Eat? Eat? Eat? Eat? Eat? Eat? Eat?" I get it, you're hungry. Fortunate and unfortunate, we now have a ritual- she has to cook what she eats. Starving, we zip through the process and she climbs into her chair to eat her concoction. I set to cleaning the kitchen and unpacking the groceries. Ten minutes later, something catches my eye in her direction.
It was her bowl. Going over the side of her chair. Food splattered everywhere. The spoon tossed in the mix. And she looks at me... and smiles. She smiles that big, semi-toothless grin at me.
I, honestly, thought about smacking her. I, honestly, thought about screaming at her, shaking my finger, and otherwise letting her know that this behavior will not be tolerated. But, a mother's mind can go a million miles a minute at moments like this.
I was stressed about the groceries, the expenses, the cost of life up here, and everything else; I acknowledged it and did not want my stress to be her burden. I could feel my mind reeling out of control in the minutes before she threw her bowl and could see the panic of money on the horizon. Husband would calm me down, he always does, but in the noon hour- there was no Husband, only a dirty kitchen and our two year old eating lunch.
Then the bowl hit the ground.
Life's funny in that way. My mind stopped thinking about finances, they will take care of themselves and our "hand-to-mouth" system will fall back in place. The savings will replenish and we will think back on our tiny apartment as happy times where great friends with great memories were made and a baby became a two year old.
I stopped thinking about adult things and focused on Eileen with her big, big grin. Very quietly, I said in an even tone, "No m'am. You know better than that (an expression I hate). Daddy told you last night not to throw your food. You do not throw your food. Nor, do you toss your bowl over the side. Lunch is over. Lunch is over right now. You are going to bed in your room for your nap without anymore lunch. And you are not coming out of your room until you wake up from your nap."
The mess gets cleaned up and she is still all smiles. Diaper changed, she is in the crib. Doors closed. When lunch is over, it's nap time.